Tag: Trust

Trust is a choice

choose trust

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them”

This is the title I gave to a recent post in which I referenced three leadership examples, including a quote from James Timpson of the family-owned UK firm of the same name:

“The easiest way to create a culture of kindness in an organisation is to trust everyone to do what they think is right…every time a decision needs to be made.”

Today I thank Dom Monkhouse for sharing on LI an HBR article on PWC on flexible working, to which he adds his thoughts:

“A good article showing flexibility can work in a big firm. Trust shouldn’t need to be earned. It should be assumed everyone is trusted from the outset.” (more…)

Be brave enough to keep it simple

hanshoffman simplify

Lovely piece of wisdom in that quote.

In all of my work as a sounding board to leaders and to teams, I have never (never!) found an occasion where it was important for them to make things more complicated in order to get their message across, to get alignment, agreement, engagement, energy, enthusiasm, motivation etc.

I’ve written on this site many times away simplicity and will do so again today, but today I will focus on why there is demand for specialists like me to support change.

It comes down to one word. Bravery.

Some people are not brave, some people don’t believe they are (but have untapped and powerful depths of courage awaiting being unleashed), some have bravery by the bucketload and simply need it focussed in the right way.

Let us explore some. (more…)

None of us is bulletproof – advice for founders


I had lunch recently with an investor who expressed frustration about founders of startups and scale-ups.

They are not a fund partner, nor VC or from the Private Equity world. No, they actually built a business of value and lived it for the whole journey through to an ultimate sale and cash out for a significant sum, thus giving them space and funds to invest in other businesses. Cards on the table, I prefer such investors as they’ve been through it personally, rolled the sleeves up. Experience brings empathy at a level that is irreplaceable. This gives them a powerful edge in mentoring founders, who often are sorely lacking sounding boards on the roller coaster ride.

So, why was this investor so frustrated when I met them? Could it have been that they wanted to vent along the lines of my own common frustration with founders focussed on raising round after round of funding without actually building a business that generates revenues? Not that day, though certainly something I may write about another time!

No, they were frustrated with founders pretending they are bulletproof. (more…)

Being aligned with who you are

freddie mercury live aid

This week I went to the cinema in the UK with my oldest son.

During the previews, there was one for the new movie “Bohemian Rhapsody”, a biopic about the amazing Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen. As a teenager I saw Queen live twice, then along with basically the whole of the UK and much of the world, saw that amazing performance in 1985 at Live Aid from Wembley Stadium.

The trailer gave me goosebumps, but then came another video, of a primary school show of children performing the song Bohemian Rhapsody. At the very end of that film came two brand logos and a statement, and the goosebumps were at a whole higher level.

It was, in fact, a brand ad. Not just “a” brand ad, but the BEST. BRAND AD. EVER.

Today I’ll share a clip of Queen at Live Aid, then the movie trailer, the children’s show of Bohemian Rhapsody, then a short explanation of what makes it the best brand ad ever. (more…)

How clean are your communications?


image from a SlideShare deck from OneFish TwoFish called

“How to communicate values without telling people to ‘live the values’ “

So, yesterday I wrote: “Be rid of Brilliant Jerks“. I didn’t say “Fire your Brilliant Jerks”.

So, how can you be rid of brilliant jerks without firing them, particularly in this world where hiring and firing can be a minefield laden with so much employee legislation, policies, procedures, protocols?

My answer? Lead your organisation rigorously based on values (ie where values are not just words framed on a wall or on a website!), then brilliant jerks will leave of their own volition, you won’t need to fire them.

In fact, keep reading my daily posts, as I’m going to keep riffing around this as feel like I’m on a role, and coming soon will be a post on “no fire” policies and companies that have successfully put this at their core. (more…)

Stretch but don’t break – and watch Nanette

“A leader is someone others choose to follow” ~ (me)

People follow leaders who are “keepers of the vision” and who create and maintain a space where people feel inspired and also stretched to be their best to be part of achieving that vision.

What if, however, a leader stretches things too far? It is always a risk, and should you stretch too far, the container, the space, can be broken and you can lose your audience.

So, who can leaders learn from who do this masterfully? Who stretch but don’t break that bond with their audience, their followers ?

Yes, many business, political, societal leaders. Who else? Actors and Comedians. (more…)

Coaching Skills – Asking is about Connecting

Today I sit on my terrace early in the morning, preparing in my own way for coaching calls with two new clients from an organisation I am supporting as they bravely transform.

While sitting quietly as I tend to do before such calls, I opened my online notes of “things to read, watch, listen to” when I have this kind of space, somehow serendipitously choosing to watch a TED Talk by Amanda Palmer called “The Art of Asking”

So, a “Tom-ism” is: “A leader is someone others choose to follow”

If you make someone follow you, you are a boss, not a leader. If you ask them to follow you and they choose to, things are very different. In addition, those first followers are truly important, as once they follow you, others join them. The more enthusiastic your followers, the more others follow you, and then you have a movement.

Asking people versus making them is more powerful, but why would people choose to do what you ask? The answer is because you have connected to them and we all crave connection.

Amanda Palmer’s superpower is connecting with people, she has done this her whole life, it is her supreme gift. (more…)

Risk taking, trust, serendipity


“Risk-taking, trust, and serendipity are key ingredients of joy. Without risk, nothing new ever happens. Without trust, fear creeps in. Without serendipity, there are no surprises.”

~ Rita Golden Gelman

A friend shared this with me the other day. I love it !

Allow me to muse on this for a while, then link it into leadership. (more…)

Transparency versus Trust?


So much is said in the media in recent years about how transparency is key to trust. We pressure businesses, institutions, even countries to be transparent so that we can trust them. Really?

This year I was at a talk by Rachel Botsman, author of “Who can you Trust ?”, where she very effectively questioned this conventional wisdom, by asking us to consider a thought experiment, as follows:

“You are married, your spouse has been away on a business trip for an extended period. When they walk into your house, do you immediately ask them to unlock their phone, then investigate every message, email, facebook post they have made or received since you last saw them?”

I’ve run this thought experiment several times since. The answer is always “no, of course, I wouldn’t”, then when I ask “why is that?”, the automatic answer is always “because I trust them!”. (more…)

Trust Trumps Ratings, Every Time

Peter Drucker famously said : “Culture eats strategy for breakfast”, though I prefer the way Nilofer Merchant put it in this HBR article a few years ago:

“Culture Trumps Strategy, Every Time”

A core element of Culture is Trust, how we behave around each other, how far we will go for each other, yet in our increasingly online world we seem to spend more and more time sacrificing building real relationships and instead focussing on shallow ratings, so sacrificing trust for ratings.

I’ve just watched an episode of the Netflix series Black Mirror, called Nosedive (and thanks to Glen Trenouth for the recommendation). Released in October 2016, this episode talks about a world only a little exaggerated from our own where we constantly rate all interactions with each other, almost always with 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟, as if every interaction is a) meaningful, and b) warrants a maximum five stars.

In this futuristic (hmm ?) episode, access to everything, every service, job, airline ticket etc is based on your rating out of 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. (more…)

Radical Transparency – Humility balanced with Audacity

“Audacity gets you to shoot for big goals and humility gives you the open-mindedness to take in the best thinking available to you to get you to those goals.” ~ Ray Dalio

Chip Conley, using his concept of Emotional Equations, might say :

Radical Transparency = Audacity * Humility

I frame the equation that way as for the “value” of a Radical Transparency “score”, to me, would be powered partly by being audaciously, radically transparent, but the real power comes with humility, by removing ego from the equation. (more…)

#MentorHer – Be the Change


“Be the change you wish to see in the world” is a wonderful sentiment attributed to the Mahatma (sanskrit for “Great Soul”) that was Gandhi.

What he actually said was “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. ”

Similar, yet even more powerful.

How often are we dissonant with ourselves ? Do we say one thing but do another ?

For me, what am I doing about that ? What is the change I am being in order to make change ?

As a privileged white male, one area I have taken on for years is in promoting diversity ? So many words, yet so little tangible results in our world. As I wrote recently :

I am simply all about change and being the change I wish to see in the world. I am purposeful and passionate about diversity of thought, as well as helping others #BeMoreYou.

What am I doing about it ?

One of the areas I focus on is in mentoring women. This is something I have always done, added to which the majority of my coaching clients over the years have been women leaders.

Despite decades of talk, we are still a very long way away from diversity of thought being present where decisions are made in our world, whether that be in the workplace, in board rooms, in politics, in community action. Wherever you look, women are almost always under-represented.

One of my favourite books of recent years is Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. She clearly is someone who has a life purpose around empowering women, and she lives this wherever she finds an avenue.


Recently she launched #MentorHer through the LeanIn site. Please take a look at the site and consider what you may choose to commit to.

For women reading, ask yourself what you can do to lean in to this, what men could you ask to mentor you ? If you would like to talk to an inspiring confidence coach, Patrycja Skurzak approached me a few year ago via Linked In as she started her journey as a confidence coach. I’ve mentored her for years and she has inspired me. It all started with her leaning in, having the confidence to ask to talk to me. Talk to Patrycja about leaning in to this, having the confidence to ask for what you need in all spaces !

For men reading, ask yourself what you can do to focus upon mentoring women. I’m also happy to talk to you, first listening to what drives you and what you feel you can do, then, where it resonates, share my thoughts and advice from my own experience.

For now,  a few thoughts from me based on that experience.

First, we need radical positive discrimination to really effect change in diversity of all forms (and, as per the “My Work” page, this goes beyond gender diversity, though this post today has that focus). Yes, I get and agree with the argument that one should always look for the best person, regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, orientation… and yet we are failing to represent adequately beyond the “pale, male and stale” stereotype, so we need discrimination in a positive sense to effect change !

A few real examples as ideas. I’ve used and still do use these for positive discrimination.

  1. If you are facilitating a Q&A, always take the first question from a woman. Always.
  2. If you are asked to be on a panel discussion, ask them who the other speakers are. Note to the organiser that you won’t be on any panel without a woman speaker.
  3. If you have the chance to select from a group of qualified  candidates for a key internship, filter it to choose a woman.
  4. Make your first hire a woman (edited to note a caveat from feedback from a woman leader, “if you are only hiring one person then that woman you have hired first had better be the best person for the job. Lots of women wouldn’t want to be that person otherwise.”)
  5. If forming a peer group and setting up meetings through connecting with contacts, focus on women and other diverse groups for your initial members so as to create diversity of thought consciously.
  6. Create and launch a women’s leadership group. Yes, I did this, though at the time felt I couldn’t be part of it, I just conceived it and made the launch happen.

Finally, be part of groups supporting women in leadership. See point 6 above, where my own discomfort used to make me shy away from this. However, women themselves kept asking me to participate, so as the Mahatma said “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.” Also, the #MentorHer site notes that men are increasingly uncomfortable working with (and mentoring) women. Step out, lean in, get comfortable being uncomfortable, change the conversation.





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