When someone is unwell (as I was for a few months this year, what with surgery and then chemo), or if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, some people will say to you “if there is anything I can do to help…”
I simply don’t find that of value.
Ask yourself, if you have said “if there is anything I can do to help…” how often someone has actually taken you up on that offer. Not often, I wager.
On the contrary, “how can I help?” is far more to the point and, to me when I was on my health journey, felt more authentic and abundant. When people said that to me, I would often make a specific request, even something as simple as “please do simply call or message every so often, it means a lot that people are thinking of me”.
One level beyond “how can I help?”, is to talk to someone, listening to understand where they are and how they feel, then, if you identify something they know would help them, offer it directly. In my case, I love to sit and talk with people, so a few friends simply said “I’ll check in on you again soon, and when you feel ready, I will come to visit you and we can chat, or perhaps go for a walk if you feel up to it”.
When I was feeling disconnected from my usual energetic and outgoing self, spending most of my days sitting around in my house struggling with the impact of the chemo drugs, it meant a lot that people were checking in on me, whether by message, call, or, in some cases, coming to see me simply to talk.
As I finish this musing, I go into every conversation with someone new with the thought “how can I help?”. To me, a huge part of what life is about is helping others.