There is no growth without stretching, so if we play it safe all the time, we remain the same, we don’t grow. The same applies to our impact on others.
Do we want to always play it safe, to have comfortable conversations?
Or, on occasion at least, do we want to move closer to the edge for ourselves and those we are talking with, to create space to have more uncomfortable conversations?
I wrestle with this, concerned that “close to the edge” conversations may be too uncomfortable for some whilst feeling energising and positive in terms of growth and challenge for, well, me (and often some others).
In leading or participating in “stretch” conversations, I often think back to the words of the wise Kate Dunne, who taught me to “find the comfortable uncomfortable”, and I always seek to do that before and while stretching a conversation, to go closer to the edge but not over it, to ensure others feel safe.
Right now, though, I am musing that, even with the best of intentions, stretching can risk being at the cost of upsetting others by going beyond where they may wish to go. As I can never fully empathise with the unique identity and experience of another person, no matter how hard I try, sometimes taking a conversation closer to the edge may cause upset. It is a risk. Whilst this may be a rare event, it is always a risk, and I really don’t like upsetting anyone.
The alternative though, taken to an extreme, is to never stretch, and I cannot do that and be authentic to myself.
It is a tension, and perhaps I will never resolve it fully, yet I will continue to stretch on occasion, as to stop doing so is to stop growing.
One thing is for sure, then, I will keep seeking to stretch and to grow, and to aspire to be able to help others stretch while remaining within their own “comfortable uncomfortable” and not beyond it.