Over the years I have learned enough about the human condition (and myself!) to know that we humans are, as Dan Ariely puts it in his book of the same name, “Predictably Irrational”.
This morning, after a lovely week together, including a trip up to Scotland to visit family, I am taking my youngest son to University. I am excited for him, whilst at the same time, and irrationally so, I have been feeling a little “blue” over the last few days.
Over the years I have learned enough about the human condition (and myself!) to know that we humans are, as Dan Ariely puts it in his book of the same name, “Predictably Irrational“. At the same time, the subtitle of that book is “the hidden forces that shape our decisions”, so, reflecting on that subtitle, and from my recently irrational feeling of being “down”, is that I recognise that there are reasons why we may feel the way we feel (and act, make decisions based on that), yet they are sometimes not apparent to us.
In my recent case, I had a feeling the other day of being “left out” of something important that was happening (unrelated to my son’s visit, I note). This upset me, even though the rational reasons for it were absolutely right. When I talked it out with someone involved, I came to realise that I was feeling a little triggered due to some childhood experiences of being “left out”, so this had flicked a switch in me at that moment. Once I recognised that “hidden force” I felt much better, though that “down” feeling still remains a little a couple of days later and is “passing through”.
From this, I think about my work as a Sounding Board. At the core, it is to listen deeply to the other person. Often I then reflect on their thoughts and add my own ideas and insights for them to further progress their thinking and their own reflections. Often also, though, they can, with a few focussed questions guiding them, work out the source of whatever they are focussed on simply by talking it out for themselves. This is what happened to me the other day, I simply picked up the phone and shared that I was feeling down and why, then kept talking and soon “talked out” what was at the source, the root of why I felt the way I felt.
Imagine this at a less personal level, but with a client dealing with a pressing business issue. It could be that they feel bad at that moment that a key member of staff announced they were leaving the company. If they feel strongly enough to bring it up with their coach, it could be one of those “Predictably Irrational” moments where it is worthwhile talking it through to find out what is really going on behind the issue at the surface (a coaching adage is that “the issue is not the issue”, and what seems on the surface to be a reason is often not the core reason for something occurring).
Put another way, there are “hidden forces that shape our decisions”, so if we can “unhide” those we often have a powerful opportunity to make changes at that level that can have powerful and positive impacts. In such a situation, the role I play is simply to help them unearth the underlying issue, done by listening and the odd focussed question to raise their contextual thinking.
We are all “Predictably Irrational”, yet at the same time there is power in talking through things when we feel strongly about something, as there is always the opportunity to unearth the “hidden forces”, and from that awareness comes the opportunity to make changes, whether simply in how we think about something or in our decisions around it.