The image above is indicative of the ways society portrays Mums vs Dads. Mums perpetuating systemic sexism though? What is Tom talking about?
This tweet got me started on this, read the whole thread. Informative and interesting.
Been running into dads of my 3yo’s classmates and asking for their emails for his birthday party and so far 3 out of 3 dads have proceeded to give me their wives’ emails instead. This is now a social experiment.
— Sonya Bonczek (@SonyaBonczek) July 12, 2022
Ok, this one seems to be a theme right now on Twitter, but it also mirrors my own experience.
Whenever parents look to organise anything in or outside school, they almost always email the other mums, never the Dads, even when a Mum asks if their partner (the Dad) get the emails too or instead of. In my case, it took me literally years to get the school to add me to all emails (and even now they sometimes falter).
Why is that and why do we keep doing this as a society? (in this case, my focus is on Mums, Dads and Schools)
Perception is reality. What we perceive informs our expectations and how we act, and when we maintain such systemic perceptions as “Mums will always take the lead”, then we maintain the status quo.
We always hear about how Mums take on more of the load, which is often true. That said, it is not aided by a) ignoring the Dads who do play a full part (eg by only communicating with the Mums, as well as b) giving your husband/partner a “pass” when they don’t pull their weight. Dads, it is not enough to put the garbage out once a week and maybe spend some time with your kids. What about you doing the grocery shopping, cooking dinner, paying the bills, and organising kids’ activities after school (by getting on the email lists)?
Mums, when you say your partner isn’t pulling their weight, perhaps ask yourself why you allow it? Also what role you may have in sustaining such systemic sexism in our society.
To this specific topic, these are my genuine and informed thoughts as a father of three and someone who formed an excellent partnership with their mother in sharing the load for the last 28 years (our youngest is about to move on to University). Those who know me know me, those who don’t may feel challenged by this post and perhaps feel animosity towards me. If either of those is the case, I’d love to be in dialogue with you, as I have my own opinions informed by my own experience, and am also always open to learning.
In closing, this blog is generally about leadership in business. The same applies to considering what systemic biases persist in your organisation and then looking openly at why. Leaders, I encourage you to consider this post in that context too.